52 Project, Week 13: Kindness

I spent a lot of time reflecting on kindness. It ended up leading me to do a few other kindness projects too. For my challenge, I had a lot of ideas for what I could do, but ultimately decided on something that has really impacted my life.

I have always loved photography. As a child, I would set up elaborate photo shoots with the neighborhood kids. After we moved, I didn’t have any friends, so I set up photo shoots with my barbies. As I got older, I eventually did make friends. Sometimes I would pose them for portraits or take fun candids of life.

My first beautiful daughter was born, and she changed my life.

I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone.

It wasn’t until I gave birth to my first daughter that I finally pursued a career in photography. I took the plunge and got a job at a local portrait studio. There, I was thrown in the camera room without any training. This was at the beginning of digital cameras and my studio was the first within that branch of the company and the country to transfer from film to digital. All of the camera settings were exactly the same, so I didn’t have to worry about learning to master a digital pro camera yet. The lighting consisted of lowering and raising a light attached to the ceiling, depending on the height of the subject. The editing was a bit laughable and dated today, but it was also easy to use. My daughter loves to joke with me about the garish vignettes, one of my pet peeves. I also had the fun of working with different backgrounds and props.

My primary job was posing subjects and getting them to smile. This was no small task. I had to jump around, crawl on the floor, make crazy faces and silly noises. I had to go from my usual quiet, shy self to someone bold.

I used Cat as my little model for practice. As the years passed, not only did Cat grow, but so did my skills as a photographer. I became confident in working with people. I experimented with my own camera at home, learning settings and lighting.

Eventually, I quit working for someone else and started working for myself. I started photographing sessions in my home and I loved it. Picking up a camera is like stepping into a different world for me. Everything else turns off, all of the worry and frustrations of the world, all of life’s anxieties melt away, the noise drowns out and my focus narrows down to me, my subject and my camera. We make the three letter word “art” into a symphony of light, color, and emotion.

Once the session is over, I float on a satisfied high. I load my images into my computer and edit them. I love editing images. True, sometimes editing can lag into the mundane and I need a bit of Netflix binging on the side to keep me going. But there are times where I fall in love with an image or a session and I could get lost in it, working for hours before I come up for air.

Photography is so many things, composing an image, using appropriate lighting, knowing the settings on a camera and how to use them in different conditions, different lenses, varying heights, interacting with your subject, posing your subject, background, props, storytelling. Behind the scenes, one must learn the business, photo editing software, image organizing, networking, social media, website creation, and management, staying up to date in education by learning new techniques in all of these areas. It can take up a lot of time and it is a lot of work.

It’s hard to not become obsessed and spend all of my time doing this. I have 5 other people in my life that I’m responsible for. They need my time, love and attention. This doesn’t mean they are a distraction from my work. They are the important work. I think if I were single, I would lose myself to work and I would end up hating it.

My family gives me inspiration. They give me a constant source of people to photograph. They give me a story to tell. They remind me to live and to get out in the world. They help me not just capture other people’s memories, but to make and capture my own.

After I became pregnant with my youngest daughter, I started to have health problems. I cut back more and more in my work until I started to turn away sessions. I knew that I was not going to be able to photograph other people if I didn’t know if I was going to have a good day or a bad day. I had to make a decision to focus on the more important things.

For me, my important things are God, family, and health. Those three things take a lot of time and commitment. For months, I mulled over closing my in-home studio. It sat empty, making me sad. Sure, I could use it just for my own children, but that’s a lot of space for a few family portraits. In a house full of 6 people, space is limited.

Then something happened that made me move on my decision. Cat became depressed. She has always struggled with being positive, but there was a noticeable difference in her appearance and behavior. She stopped caring about things that normally made her happy. She looked like the life had been drained from her. She lost all motivation to do anything. Worst of all, she admitted to me several times that she wanted to die and she had been seriously considering it.

I brought her in to be diagnosed with depression and to get a referral for a therapist. Nate and I talked it over and decided to convert my studio into a bedroom for Cat. We thought the extra space might give her a place of her own to create art and play her piano. Nate offered to let her paint it whatever color she wanted.

This last bit was hard for me. I loved the color of my studio. Painting it made it seem real and final, there was no turning back. I didn’t want to turn back, for so many reasons, but change is always difficult for me.

Having a project for Cat seemed like a great idea. Painting her room was something that would keep her occupied and looking forward to the future. However, as the weeks dragged on and turned into months, the painting became another burden for her.

So one week when she went to her Dad’s house, I chose an act of kindness and love. I picked up the paint brush and finished her room. I left only the top edges of the wall for her to finish. Cat would also like me to add that she had painted most of the room before I got to it. lol

As I painted and the walls changed from a deep turquoise blue to a pastel green, I could remember my own Mother’s act of kindness. She had helped me paint my house when I first moved in. So had my children and my sisters. My heart was warmed by the memory of their love, helping make our house a home.

After she finished her room, I felt such relief and happiness. My daughter was going to move out of her childhood room and into her own room as a teenager. Already I could see a spark of excitement in Cat at the idea of having her own room. It was real to her too.

Although getting her own room won’t solve all of her problems, it’s a step in the right direction. Learning to live with depression is something she’ll have to work on for the rest of her life. Hopefully, with the help of therapy, she’ll learn tools that will help her cope through the rough times.

As for having my own studio, maybe someday in the future, I’ll build my own studio. Photography isn’t about having controlled lighting and a controlled environment. The true test of a good photographer is if they can photograph in uncontrolled lighting and uncontrolled environments. I can take portraits anywhere in the world. The world is my studio and it is beautiful.

This paint can changed my life. It also changed my daughter’s life. She is learning to become an independent person. She is learning to be an adult and slowly finding out how to survive in this world. I am no longer photographing other families, I’m photographing my own. I am fully immersed in my own story and that of my family.

Has anyone ever done something kind for you? How did it impact your life?

Previous Week: 52 Project, Week 12: Reflection
Next Week: 52 Project, Week 14: Favorite Scripture
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May 25, 2017July 3, 2018

52 Project, Week 12: Reflection

It was a foggy morning as I dropped Mr. Awesome off at school. Princess and I ran home to grab my camera and went out looking for some awesome scenery. We weren’t disappointed!

The world was clouded in a beautiful thick white haze. The river was so misty that I could barely see the water beyond the shore. Princess and I listened as a train crossed the bridge, so close, yet nearly invisible to us. We continued to drive along the river, stopping at different spots in awe of the world, so different from its usual stark clarity.

As the fog began to dissipate, I pulled into a parking lot by a little lake. The sun was weakly shining through the clouds. I was worried it would burn off the vapor before I had a chance to hop from the car. I think it worked in my favor. If the fog had been thicker, I wouldn’t have been able to see the far trees.

Dictionary.com defines the word reflection as this:

noun
1.the act of reflecting, as in casting back a light or heat, mirroring, or giving back or showing an image; the state of being reflected in this way.

2.an image; representation; counterpart.

3.a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration.

4.a thought occurring in consideration or meditation.

5.an unfavorable remark or observation.

6.the casting of some imputation or reproach.

For this challenge, I chose the first definition. I thought options 3 and 4 would also work well for this challenge.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve struggled my whole life with negative thoughts. When I was little, I watched the movie Pollyanna and her positive attitude changed my life. There are a few different instances where she is with adults who are very negative, worn down with life and have given up on positivity. Despite their negative outlook, Pollyanna tells them about how she plays a glad game. She strove to find something positive in everything.

Whenever I find myself stuck in a negative rut, I try to find something positive. I tell my children also “Find something positive in every bad situation.” I don’t know that they get it yet, but maybe renting Pollyanna from the library will impress positivity upon them as it did me.

I hope you are having a wonderful week. Are you able to find something positive in negative situations?

Previous Week: 52 Project, Week 11: Art
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May 15, 2017July 3, 2018

52 Project, Week 11: Art

Art can be so many different things! There are thousands of different mediums and styles of art! Choosing one form was incredibly difficult. I am an artist, but I also enjoy the art of others.

The decision of making art of my own or finding a way to honor another person’s art was only mildly difficult. I decided that since this was a mother/child project, it would be fun to make our own art. We’ve always wanted to paint on canvases and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. The whole family headed to Walmart where we picked up a few essentials. Paint, canvases for the children and some paint brushes. We also had a small pack of puzzles in our stash of art supplies from our local dollar store. My own little canvas was also from the dollar store.

Each of the children enjoyed creating a masterpiece on their little canvases. Watching them create makes my heart happy. In addition, I get to enjoy their beautiful art for years to come.

I decided to create an ombre blue base for my canvas project. I started out by using the original shade of blue on the very bottom of the canvas. Then I mixed the blue and white and added another stripe, I continued to add white and paint another stripe until the canvas was done.

After I let the canvas thoroughly dry, I moved onto the next step, glitter! I found an image of an anchor online. I printed it off and Cat cut it out for me to create a stencil. Cat pressed the paper to the canvas and I painted the glue into the anchor shaped opening. I heavily sprinkled the glitter onto the glue. Cat removed the stencil. We shook off the extra glitter onto a sheet of paper and poured the extra glitter back into its container. I bought some spray adhesive that I’m going to use to keep the glitter from falling off. Hopefully, this will keep it pretty for years to come!

What is your favorite way to create art? Do you have a recent project to share with us?

Previous Week: 52 Project, Week 10: Mother/Daughter
Next Week: 52 Project, Week 12: Reflection
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May 9, 2017July 3, 2018

52 Project, Week 10: Mother/Daughter

Since this is a mother/daughter* project, it seemed obvious that there should be a mother daughter portrait for one of the challenges. Though this photography project is mostly for Cat and me, I have invited all of the kids with us when we go out on our adventures. Often, the other children get to jump in for a few portraits or get a chance to hold the camera.

The images of Cat and Me were both taken by Cupcake. Cat and I both took portraits with the other kids and took turns being the photographer. I’ve shared a few favorites and funny ones. Life with 4 children is never boring! Hahaha!

Some of these images were taken in my studio as a last photo shoot before closing my in-home studio. The other ones are a walk we took on a warm day after the Sunday meeting. Since it was so warm, there were a lot of other families out enjoying the warmer weather. One family was kind enough to stop and take a portrait of all of us together, a rare treat.

I enjoy taking portraits with my children so that I am not an invisible part of their lives, in pictures anyway. Too often I am the one taking a picture and not in it. I’ve been trying to change this and ask other people to take a picture of me.

As a photographer, I see a lot of Mom’s since they’re the ones bringing the children in for photo shoots. I usually ask the Mothers to jump in for a few portraits. Some Moms are happy to jump in, excited to share in the moment. Most Moms are shy and hesitant, slightly uncomfortable with the idea of being the center of attention. Some Moms outright refuse to be in the portrait.

I’ve heard a lot of excuses over the years. They’re heartbreaking to hear.
“I don’t have any makeup on.”
“I don’t look good.”
“I’m not dressed up.”
“I’m too fat.”
“I’m ugly.”
Usually, these are said with an outright honest and panicked frankness. Some are said with a laugh to diffuse the tension. All are said directly in front of their children.

Years ago I read an article that talked about how self-image was created in children. It mentioned how children’s first role models are their parents. What children hear their Mother’s say about themselves, becomes the inner voice of our children. If we talk negatively about ourselves on a regular basis, our children hear that and internalize it. If we talk positively about ourselves, we set a good example of confidence and self-love.

Our children look at us with love and adoration. They don’t see our imperfections as imperfections. They might or might not notice that our hair is messy, we don’t have makeup on, our clothes might be a size too small or too large or dirty from a hard day’s work. They might or might not see the extra weight or lack of weight. They might or might not see our wrinkles and grey hair. To them, this is all part of a person they love very much. To them, these things are all beautiful and fun. Children see the INNER beauty shine through these beautiful characteristics that make us who we are. Children are not naturally judgemental.

I’ve had my children mention my “imperfections” to me as something they adore.
“Mommy, your tummy is nice and fluffy”
“Mommy, why do you put makeup on? You look prettier without it.”
And my favorite…
“Mommy, I love you!”
They see the extra hugs and cuddles should they have a nightmare. They see the smile when they look over for approval. They hear my encouragement, my teaching, my singing, my laughter, and my love. They see me making them meals and washing their clothes with a positive attitude. They notice the good and not the bad.

Over the years, I’ve made a point to say positive things about myself in front of my children. If I should look in the mirror and not like what I see, I make sure to say something positive out loud. Instead of criticizing myself over my “imperfections”, I say “Look at my beeeautiful body!” I usually say it in a silly voice with a little wiggle. My children laugh and smile. Instead of feeling down about myself, I too feel better and happier with who I am.

Seeing myself in pictures is not always easy. I can see the things that make me look older as glaring reminders that I’m no longer young. I resist the urge to edit these away with my awesome photo editing skills. I don’t want my children to look back and see a perfectly retouched and unrealistic Mom. I want them to see me as I am. Hopefully, someday when they’re older, should they struggle with the same negative thoughts, they might look at a picture of me at their age and see that I’m not perfect either and hopefully it will make them feel better.

Do you hop in portraits with your children? Do you have any pictures of you and your mother?

*Although this is a mother/daughter project, anyone can join in. This can be a father/son, father/daughter, mother/son or other project. If you don’t have a child, you can use your parent. If you are away from your parent or child, you could use this as an opportunity to photograph what the parent/child relationship means to you.

Here are a few silly outtakes of our photo shoot.

Previous Week: 52 Project, Week 9: Ice/Snow/Frost
Next Week: 52 Project, Week 11: Art
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May 2, 2017July 3, 2018

52 Project, Week 9: Ice/Snow/Frost

One of my favorite things about living in Minnesota is the winter season. I prefer the cold air over hot any day of the week. I love wearing boots, instead of flip-flops, I prefer sweaters over camisoles, I love cuddling under warm blankets with those I love. In winter, you won’t find insects, although there might be a ladybug hiding in a warm corner. The best thing about winter though is the beauty that transforms the landscape.

Ice, snow, and frost are so different from one another. They all share the fact that they are created from frozen water, but visually, they are unique. Unlike many of these photography challenges, ice, snow, and frost are limited to a single season and the mercy of the weather. Unfortunately, we had a very late start to the winter season, unusually warm temperatures all season long and an early spring. Trying to capture the images for this challenge were hit or miss.

Frost

Frost is a fascinating creation to behold. It dances and skates across the surface of anything it touches as though fairies were playing in the night. It decorates grass, branches, windows, and anything left outside with a sparkly white layer of crystallized glitter. Seeing a frost covered world, lit by the morning sun is a rare treat, better than a frosted cookie or cake. It is a breathtaking sight to behold. Frost is short lived and hard to capture, but I have great fun trying.

Snow

I love snow. I love how it falls, soft as feathers, beautiful and white, dancing through the air. I love its fluffy blankets spread across the ground and piled upon every surface. I love how it glitters in the sunlight as though diamonds were crushed and sprinkled upon the surface. It brightens the night with a soft, ethereal glow. Snow transforms the entire world into a new place, almost unimaginable from its warm state.

Ice

My children’s favorite activity this winter was ice skating The weather was so warm that we had a very short ice skating season, but we still managed to get out a couple of times. Although I wasn’t photographing them specifically for this photography challenge, I thought it would be fun to share a video of them learning to ice skate.

What is your favorite thing about ice, snow or frost? Do you love getting out there and enjoying winter activities with your family?

Previous Week: 52 Project, Week 8: Winter Trees
Next Week: 52 Project, Week 10: Mother/Daughter
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April 26, 2017July 3, 2018

52 Project, Week 8: Winter Trees

It was snowing heavily as I dropped Mr. Awesome off at school. Princess and I went to one of our favorite parks and were excited to see thick, fluffy flakes covering everything in sight. It was the perfect conditions to capture some winter trees. It was snowing so heavily, I was worried we wouldn’t be able to get a clear enough shot of the trees for the project! Maybe that’s what being a winter tree is all about though.

After playing for a little while and enjoying the wonder that is a thick snowfall, it started to lessen and I got some clearer shots of Princess and the trees. Thankfully, my little snow princess loves to play outside any time of year so she was still in a great mood so I could get a cute portrait of her. I’m hoping to get the same spot for spring, summer, and fall. Maybe I’ll even take a different child for every season.

I love these trees because of the tangle of branches that seem to bend and twist in weird angles as though they are dancing. In winter, when their leaves are gone and you can see the branches, trees remind me of the human body. Some trees look like lungs, with the trachea as the trunk and the bronchi and bronchioles as the branches. Others remind me of neurons. Nature repeats itself in beautiful and fascinating ways. We can’t see the artistry that is inside of the human body without special equipment. It’s far too small for the naked eye. Seeing it with technology is just as incredible though! It’s amazing to think of all of these wonders, this art from our great creator, are hiding inside of us. Looking at the same patterns in trees makes me feel in awe of God and all that he has done for us.

I hope you enjoyed our winter trees! Do you have a favorite grove of trees? Share them with us!

Cupcake’s 52 Project, Week 8: Winter Trees

Previous Week: 52 Project, Week 7: Blankets
Next Week: 52 Project, Week 9: Ice/Snow/Frost
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April 20, 2017July 2, 2018

52 Project, Week 7: Blankets

I was really looking forward to photographing blankets. I love blankets. I have a large variety of colors, textures, and sizes. I knew exactly which colors I wanted and how I was going to photograph them. I wanted a simple pile of blankets in one color.

I chose my cream blankets because cream is soothing and comforting. It reminds me of vanilla, my favorite scent. Cream goes well with every color. I love the color combination of cream, brown and a bright color. In my house, you’ll find many shades of each.

Since it gets pretty cold in our house, we have blankets in almost every room. They’re great to snuggle under for a little extra warmth. The kids love to make tents out of them. I can remember making blanket forts as a child and listening to thunderstorms. I always felt safe and happy in my little hideaway.

Both Nate and I still have our baby blankets. They’re very worn. I have a feeling they’ll be frayed and falling to pieces before long. Every once and awhile we’ll find one of the children curled up in them. It makes me happy knowing they’ve served their purpose, and wrapped our children in a bit of our love and our parent’s love.

Do you love blankets? Share with us your favorite blanket!

Previous Week:52 Project, Week 6: Hair
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April 18, 2017July 2, 2018

52 Project, Week 6: Hair

A woman’s hair is her glory. Depending on how great, or awful, someone’s hair looks, can determine their self-esteem. A bad hair day might dampen someone’s spirits and a good hair day can put an extra bounce in their step. Hair comes in a wide variety of styles, types, colors,.thickness and lengths. I love how different and beautiful we all are.

I can remember having lighter hair when I was young. My hair was blonde as a toddler and it started to darken when I was still very young. One of my early memories is while I was walking with my parents and some friends of theirs. They commented on how beautiful my hair was and my parents mentioned that it was getting darker. I can remember feeling astounded. I had no idea my hair could change color! Later, while playing in the bathtub, I remember studying how my hair got darker as it got wet.

My mother loved the color of my hair and would often tell me how beautiful it was. For, me, hair was something I had to brush, but didn’t want to. My Mother would rip the brush through my hair and I would cry. As an adult, the tables have turned and I get to be the one making my little girls cry, much to my dismay. I try to be careful and work through their hair gently, but I do accidentally hit a snarl or two.

I used my Cupcake’s hair for this project. She has the thickest and longest hair in our family. It’s beautiful and it reminds me of my best friend, Linda’s hair. Linda had thick beautiful hair too and she would always brush it before exiting her vehicle. Unlike Linda’s hair, Cupcake’s hair is a golden blonde, much like mine was as a child.

Do you have a favorite or funny hair story to share with us? Leave a comment below!

Previous Week:52 Project, Week 5, Warmth
Next Week:52 Project, Week 7: Blankets
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April 13, 2017July 2, 2018

52 Project, Week 5: Warmth

When I think of warmth, I think of things that make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. A nice roaring fire and a toasty oven give off some comfortable warmth that I love to lounge in front of. My favorite place to stay warm though, is my bed. I love my bed. My favorite time of day is bedtime, when I can crawl underneath my comforter and pull one of my favorite throw blankets up around me.

The air is usually cold in our house since we live in a historic, drafty old home in Minnesota. I’ll often have a few of my little ones crawl in bed with me, should I sneak up for a bit of quiet time during the day. We might quietly read together, watch the JW app on our Roku, talk about life, write or draw in our journals, or even just take a nap. I think that if my bed were big enough, all my children would happily sleep with me at night, just like when they were little.

I chose to photograph all of my children’s feet side by side. I used to kiss their toes as babies and marvel at how small they were. Now they are growing and so are their feet! Someday, each of their feet will be just as big as my own.

Do you love to snuggle with your wee ones in your bed? What do you think of when you hear the word, warmth?

Previous Week:52 Project, Week 4: Socks
Next Week:52 Project, Week 6: Hair
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February 2, 2017July 1, 2018

52 Project, Week 4: Socks

This week was a bit more challenging than my other ones. Last week, Mr. Awesome had some stomach problems due to allergies. My poor little buddy was not able to make it to the bathroom fast enough, resulting in a lot of laundry and towels that needed washing. I picked up some probiotics from our local health food store and he is doing much better, thankfully.

In addition, photographing socks was a lot harder than I thought it would be! I had a hard time choosing exactly which socks I would wear. I love socks! I have so many favorites. I have them in all sorts of colors and styles. I ended up trying on 7 different pairs!

My original idea was to photograph my feet on my bed with the TV fireplace screensaver in the background. Oh, how I wish I had a real fireplace! This plan did not work as I had hoped. My feet were too low. I raised up the end up my bed, and thankfully that worked great! However, the screen of the TV does not photograph well.

Scrapping that, I decided to shoot from above, but I was not able to look through my viewfinder and I was guessing at where my feet would be. Princess was jumping around me, gleefully and kept messing up the comforter. She kept jumping on me for hugs too. I can’t resist a good cuddle, so it took a bit longer than I had intended.

Thankfully, the sun was shining and our bedroom was full of bright, natural light. I’m wearing my favorite socks here. They’re cream with tiny, multi-color specks that remind me of sprinkles. I’ve got my favorite bedspread and my favorite tea, roasted dandelion root.

I hope that wherever you are, the sun is shining and you have a nice warm pair of socks on your feet if it’s cold out. Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

Previous Week:52 Project, Week 3: Silence
Next Week:52 Project, Week 5, Warmth
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